愛﹕脾氣怎麼改變

白龍王告訴世人，如果要改變命運，首先要改變脾氣。脾氣臭，連健康都有影響。

脾氣怎麼改變？佛家說放下，道家說養生，儒家說中庸。蘇東坡三家學說都精通，在他被貶黃州的時候，有很大的開悟。在他的著作中，他說，一個吳姓老人傳授了一個養生訣，就是「和」、「安」二字。「安則物之感我者輕，和則我之應物者順，外輕內順則生理備矣」。安，是指心態，心安詳地關注着在一個群體中的我，關注着這個我給對方的感覺；物，第三者，是指除了我以外的所有人；輕，因為我心沒有對抗性，所有人都感覺到了，於是與我相處的時候沒有壓力，覺得容易溝通，不是好像一塊硬屎。這是人家對我的感覺。而我對其他所有人，所有事，則抱一個順字。客觀環境不到我們控制，像一條激流。順，是道家的思想，如果孔子和老子一起掉下河裏，他們兩個人會有什麼不同的反應？孔子會拼命逆流而遊，掙扎着要回到原來的岸上，如果力有不逮，就只有被激流沒頂。老子則會放鬆身體，順流而下，待到了一處平坦的河道，便施然上岸。

老子順其自然，孔子則是一個控制狂，把一個本來沒有簡板的空間，劃分成各種禁地，這叫畫地為牢。控制狂者為自己家人制定了各種戒律，所有的人都必須照戒律生活，直到把人人都變成罪犯。「外輕內順則生理備矣」，如果可以內外都柔軟輕順，便沒有脾氣，生命便興旺。

白龍王與世人結緣幾十年，只在進醫院前接受了一次訪問，想來，他是預知時間已到。他說：「在我幾十年的歲月裏，有許多事情、語言感動了我，所以我也很努力地想辦法讓人感動。感動是一個愛心、菩薩心、菩提心，看到好人好事，要能感動，看到人家得到好處，要歡喜。」有些人看到人家得到好處，便心生妒忌，人家的好處又不是從你的口袋掏的，妒忌什麼？白龍王說：「人的一生都在學習做人，學習做人是一輩子的事，沒有辦法畢業的。」即使是同一個道理，今天明白了，到明天可能已經忘記，人對事物的理解不是一條直線，不是一通到底，而是曲線向前的。白龍王說：「人生第一要學的是認錯。」人常常不肯認錯，凡事都說是人家的錯，我們在社會上不時會遇到這樣的人，在家庭中也可能有這樣的成員，甚至自己根本就是這樣。遇到這樣的人來算命，問事業、問前途、問家庭或者婚姻，白龍王只是回答：「你的脾氣好不好？」沒有人是完美的，而人生的完美是從懂得認錯開始。「第二是學習柔和」，心腸硬的人不快樂，也不長壽，好像人的牙齒，人的牙齒是堅硬的，舌頭是柔軟的，人老了，牙齒先掉，但柔軟的舌頭到死也不會掉，對人柔軟是為了對自己慈悲。「第三要學習忍」，忍一口氣風平浪靜，退一步海闊天空，忍一忍，時間自然解決一切，有了忍，可以認清世間的善惡。還有「學習溝通、學習放下，也學習生存」，意即要保持身體健康，不但為自己，也是為家人和朋友。

（嚴浩）

福山雅治「 あの夏も 海も 空も」 (2007) live

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後記﹕對上文深有同感，再看樓下....好多事可以let go....

Five Regrets of the Dying

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, but in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip.  But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to themselves, that they were content.  When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly.

Choose happiness.